There’s no game I’ll play if I can’t cheat.

That’s right, I’m a cheater. If I can’t bend the rules, break the rules, or totally re-invent them, then I just don’t want to participate. If sportsmanship is supposed to be a reflection of how to conduct ourselves in our daily lives, then there should be a guidebook, cheat sheets, or some scribbling on your hand of how to best break those rules. I’d rather pick up the soccer ball and run in the wrong direction than act in the prescribed manner with the usual outcome of winners and losers. I’m the one mostly likely to palm the ace and everyone knows that, which can make it much more difficult to get away with. So, keep your eyes sharp because you never know when I’ll slip one by you.

I have participated in a variety of organized games over the years and I’ve come to the conclusion that there should be no organization in play. There’s already so much organization in work and day-to-day routine. Shouldn’t there be some spontaneity and reckless disregard of regulations in play time? I have so many rules imposed upon me during my working hours that I see no sense in voluntarily allowing any more to oppress me. It’s bad enough that I’m not allowed to hang up on every moron who calls my office. Why would I allow myself to be involved with procedures for managing my leisure time?

I understand that the rules are there for a good reason. At least I’ve been told that they’re there for a good reason. No one got around to explaining exactly what those justifications were. Maybe that’s why I ended up being such a miscreant. I suppose, however, that everyone has to agree on a best course of play so that all get along with the least amount of disharmony. I’ve seen professional sports and the rules don’t seem to be keeping any tempers in check. Have you seen the conduct of our hockey players when someone feels hard done by? A perceived infraction of those rules is usually at the core of any dissonance in the game.

The rules are in place to efficiently and effectively divide people into the categories of winners and losers. They say it doesn’t matter if you win or lose but how you play the game. Then why do you feel so low when you lose? By cheating I allow no winners or losers, just players engaged in playing. I’ll be the first to admit it (with a fiendish cackle) when caught in a corrupt play. I’ll also be the first to chortle when cheated upon. I don’t feel cheating diminishes the experience of playing; perhaps, it even enhances it.

So remember, it’s not if you win or lose, it’s if you enjoy yourself. Be reckless in your usual day and allow yourself to do something against the normal policies and procedures. And if, during the course of your day, you happen to call my office and I inadvertently disconnect your call, well, you can rest assured that I’m enjoying myself. After all it’s just a game.

Keri lives in Boyle Street. If you are ever competing against her in a game, she won’t play nice. You have been warned.