Boyle McCauley News

Since 1979 • April-May 2024 • Circulation 5000

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Relationships: Past and Present

When I think of relationships, of course I think of my two best friends first. One of them is a writer, and I don’t talk to him that much. Quite often I will email or phone or text him, and he won’t get back to me for some time. I understand this, however, because he is an internationally-known writer and film producer and I really cherish the times when he squeaks me in for a ten minute phone call or for a bubble tea at a place we like on the South side.

Next, I think of my ex-girlfriend. I haven’t had many girlfriends – actually, to be honest, I have only ever had one, not because I don’t meet up to others’ standards. I think it is more because my ex is someone who I waited my whole life for, and though we only lived together for a short time after becoming very close friends, I cared a lot about her and we never stopped talking now after 24 years since we first met. (Anyone who has read my biography, Inching Back To Sane may know her by the fictional name “Debbie.”)

Just as important as my two best friends, are my dad, my brother, and my sister. I try to talk with and meet up with my dad nearly every day. We have come a long way from constant arguments, fights, and disagreements when I was a teenager, but now he tells me he is proud of me for all of my accomplishments, and also for the things I have overcome in my life. Then, comes my brother who was not always a close friend, but would always watch out for me and protect me. Let me tell you, when you grow up in a place like I did, having a brother who set records for weightlifting and was well-trained in boxing and kickboxing made life very nice leisure cruise. Then, comes my sister, and her daughter who are the lights of my life. My sister was also older and spoiled me like I was her own child in our youth, and still treats me pretty well. We had our rocky moments over the years, but last year she trusted me so much that she let me come to her house in Toronto for a whole month and left me to care for all of her worldly goods and her two beautiful dogs. I am so honoured to have family and friends like this.

I am so honoured to have family and friends like this.

When I think of relationships though, I think a lot about the ones that don’t exist anymore. I think often of the cat we had when I was young who was more than a member of the family. His name was Lilleven, which is Danish for “little friend” and he was so amazing that he had a unique relationship with each of the five members of my family. He would sit with me watching TV, my brother would feed him, he would curl up at my dad’s feet at supper time, and when it neared bedtime he would sit with my mom who would read during that time and then bunk with my sister. The next relationships that don’t exist are the ones that hurt perhaps the most to not have. They are friendships that went sour that can never be repaired. Fortunately, now that I have lived in McCauley for 15 years, I have so many friends in the neighbourhood it is a little easier to deal with.

The last relationship I will discuss is one so much deeper and meaningful than any, and one that hurts a lot because the relationship ended in her death. I speak of my mom. Who else in the world loved me before I was even born and was physically totally responsible for my entire existence? Who else prayed for me and worried about me for my whole life, but ended up needing my care towards the end. My mom passed away a few years ago, and the pain has gotten better, but I still think about her each and every day. She was an incredible woman who was once a president of a branch of a credit union, who had so much wisdom and potential, even in her 40s when she decided to return to school.

Of course, the most important thing that got me through all that pain was my other relationships. Being able to talk and laugh with my ex. Being able to spend time with my dad talking about the days when she was around, and learning so much about not just my mom but my dad too. The thing that perhaps hurts the most is that my mom was such a lover of literature and she never lived to see any of my 11 books come out. It really makes me stay on the narrow path, live the right way, attend church as much as possible, and do as much good as I can for those hurting or in need. I do this because I know my mom has a special place in heaven and I want to one day be reunited with her.

Leif lives in McCauley.

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